What Was Missing
by Lycan.Kallias
Summary: AU. Yaoi. Kyo x Haru. An Angsty romance develops between a writer and his abusive brother's lover. As soon as they find happiness it seems like the world pulls together to shatter it. Complete.
1. Heartbreak and Romance

**Title: What Was Missing**

**Author: Fenrir-Chan**

**Series: Fruits Basket**

**Pairings: Yuki X Haru, Kyo X Tohru, Kyo X Haru**

**Warnings: Yaoi… oh, and it's set in a world without the zodiac curse… and Yuki is kind of an ass.**

**Disclaimer: Don't own, makes zero moneys, don't sue…**

**POV Change **

**What Was Missing**

_Haru _

He left me for no reason. At least no reason he could give me. I had been used then thrown aside, like a toy. I hung my head, silent tears rolling down my face. I had trusted him! And I was a fool for doing so. The rain poured down relentlessly, chilling me to the bone. Thunder boomed overhead, seeming to shake the ground. I dropped to my knees, water reaching up to slap me in the face.

"Damn it!" I yelled pounding my fists into the mud. I continued to yell and pound the ground, trying to transfer all of my anger and hurt to the cold heartless lump on which I walked.

I can't say I didn't know it wasn't coming. The scent of another had clung to him for weeks now. What was to come next was obvious. The dreaded heart break. And I still felt like dying.

And it happened over a week ago.

What hurts the most was that he didn't love me enough to tell me he wanted to see other people or at least dump me before seeing other people. He just went out and did it behind my back.

But I think I would have rather gone on loving him blindly, unconditionally, stupidly, faithfully than be here without him… Ya' know?

_Kyo _

She just disappeared from my life one night. I went to sleep, my eyes taking her in as the last thing I'd seen like every night before. But when I opened my eyes the next morning, she wasn't there.

She said she'd love me forever. An unconditional love. The kind of love I needed, but now it seemed certain I'd never find …

Tohru had been a childhood friend. The kind you think you'll always be friends with. The kind that scares you when it becomes romantic. I thought it might be a mistake, but in the end my doubts lost to my feelings of being wanted and needed.

I tied my shoes quickly and opened the front door. A jog in the rain wouldn't help much, but it would be something to do to keep me from going crazy.

My skin was thick or something. The doctors said my nerve endings didn't reach the surface of my skin (0). This, in turn, meant I didn't feel surface pain. When I feel down or bled, I couldn't feel it. I, being a little boy, thought it was the coolest thing in the world. But others saw it as a deficiency or a disease they could physically catch.

I guess the thought since I couldn't feel surface pain, then I couldn't feel any pain at all, because when I walked into a room their whispering never dropped and they treated me like dirt.

That's why I was drawn to Tohru. She didn't mind at all. And she NEVER made fun of me.

But she left…

I guess unconditional love has a limit

_Haru _

A circle of orange bobbed down the drab street. Maybe that's why it caught my eye… that and it was the only living thing on this street besides me. A splash of color on the dreary gray street. I watched fascinated as the orange blob turned into a boy… an extremely HOT boy! My memory bugged me. I knew this guy from some where. But where?

"Hatsuharu?" he asked stopping in front of me.

"I'm sorry, but who are you?" I asked trying to be polite but failed miserably as it sounded cold from hate and sadness.

"Oh, sorry, I'm Kyo Sohma. Yuki's twin brother…?" I felt a slight 'ping' as my memory snapped back to the New Years party and meeting the orange haired cutie.

"Oh yeah, I remember. So… how is Yuki?" I asked genuinely interested.

"Uh, I was just about to ask you that." His face twisted in confusion. "Hey, are you alright?" he knelt down in front of me, concern in those ruby eyes. No matter how I tried, I couldn't hold it in. The tears flooded down my face, as if a dam had broken in my heart.

Smooth long fingered hands flew to my face. There was an understanding in his eyes, like he understood what had happened. No, like he knew how it felt. I bit my lip and looked down, almost ashamed that I had cried in front of him.

"Well, now I'm going to have to beat Yuki up next time we get together." He said gently, wiping tears from my face with his thumb, obviously trying to cheer me up. "Where do you live, I'll take you home"

"Here." I said truthfully. Kyo looked at the building beside us. "No, here." I said pointing to the ground under our feet. Kyo looked down at me, hate and anger filling his eyes.

"He threw you out with no place to go?" All I could do was nod my head. "That bastard!" Kyo whispered fiercely. He crossed his arms and chewed on the corner of his mouth. It was cute and made him all the more desirable.

"Come stay with me."

_Kyo _

"Come stay with me."

The words left my lips before I could stop them. And I wondered briefly if I would be able to control myself. That was one secret I hadn't told Tohru. I had a slight 'thing' for men… especially Haru, my brother's lover. He was my biggest desire. After meeting him it took awhile for me to get him out of my mind. Hell, I was even willing to put up with Yuki just to see him.

Yeah, I know, cheep thrill.

He looked stunned for a moment, sweet eyes shocked, a little slack jawed, and downright gorgeous when soaking wet. I wanted to see that beautiful figure in all its glory. That flawless ivory skin slick with sweat-

"Did you hear me?"

"Uh, what?" I asked shaking water from my eyes and trying to get rid of the blush I felt coming on.

"I'd like to stay with you for a day, if you're sure it's alright."

"Oh, it'll be fine, my… roommate just moved out a few days ago. The room is open to you for as long as you need it." I said grabbing one of his bags and led him to my apartment.

_Haru _

He welcomed me into his home as a guest and before I knew it I had become a roommate. A month had past. A really fun month and I still couldn't see how Yuki and Kyo were twins. Hell, I couldn't even see how they could even be brothers. They looked and acted nothing alike. Kyo was tanned and was very muscular, where as Yuki was pale and very fragile looking (though I knew otherwise). Kyo was sweet, kind and listened to me. But Yuki was quiet, almost to the point of being cold, and, I hadn't realized it before, but Yuki didn't seem to care. Yuki was there first and had always been there, so I didn't know that that wasn't a normal part of a relationship.

I learned Kyo was a writer (1) and a martial artist instructor. I could see the latter, but a writer? That didn't seem to fit his energetic personality. He had gotten an offer from Yuki's agent to model, but quickly refused.

"Yeah, I didn't want fame after I seen what Yuki had become. Luckily, I got to see how it changed a person before I was asked. See, Yuki was the pretty child, I was … well my mom said I was like the ugly duckling. And here I am today still waiting to change into that swan." He laughed.

'But you are a swan Kyo…' I thought.

"Yeah, so Yuki became a model and I just did my homework. Fame changes people…  
So I turned him down."

"So you became a best selling author?" He laughed again.

"True! I didn't even realize!"

He even cooked! Gawd (2), could that man cook. And I loved watching him do it. It was like watching an artist work… a really hot, shirtless artist! It startled me the first morning, I thought he was going to try and seduce me… not that I wouldn't mind it.

He sat and actually listened to me and helped me when I needed it. He was shocked to learn I was 17, still in high school and had dated a 20 year old model (Yuki (3)), and that my parents had disowned me for being gay. I quickly figured out that he and Yuki weren't close. The way Kyo put it, they hated each other.

I came across a few of his novels in my room. He was a keeper of romance. His books made love seem like it was almost reachable and not a myth that no one in the real world could reach. He made me smile, laugh, and feel alive again. He made me forget about the pain Yuki had caused me. He made me want to live. He…

And before I realized what was happening, my lust for him had turned to love…

_Kyo _

Haru started to get skittish around me about the middle of the second month. If I was just coming into a room he was just leaving. And I noticed he buried himself in my books, which was sort of embarrassing. But I'd leave the new ones on his desk for him.

My desire for him was killing me. The fantasies never stopped and I had begun to put them down in my books. My editor just loved the new sex scenes. Heh, my lust for my roommate made for good novels… Go figure.

"Haru, I'm gonna be out late tonight please, I don't mean to sound like an adult but, please remember to lock the door before you go to bed"

"Okay… Where ya' goin'?"

'"Actually, I'm going to meet some one." I said blushing slightly.

_Haru _

"Actually, I'm going to meet someone."

That's when I realized Kyo was dressed for clubbing. A deep red button down shirt, tight dark blue jeans, and, to my amusement, a small black cat collar.

"Oh, well, um, who are you going to meet?" I asked jealousy rising within me.

"Some guy I met through my editor. Another novelist." Kyo explained his blush going deeper. My jealousy only grew. "Oh, I'm gonna be late. Good night!"

"G'night." I said to the closing door. 'NOT FAIR!' my inner voice yelled. 'I want Kyo all to my self!'

I went to my room and changed quickly. Fur lined coat, tight black clothing, and lots of jewelry. I wasted no time looking for clues as to where he had gone.

"'Whisper 9:00'" I recognized the name quickly as the name of the hot new gay club that I had been dying to check out. I had only heard the best things about the place. I raced out the door, stopping half way down the hall, ran back, locked the door, and took off for the stairs.

The cab driver gave me a funny look as I named the place I wanted to go, then asked why a cute boy like me was going to a club alone. I told him to shove it.

As soon as the cab stopped, jumped out. My body relaxing instantly, my calm demeanor taking over. I walked into the pulsing club, determined to walk out with someone.

I just hoped it would be the someone I wanted.

_Kyo _

He was boring. All he did was brag about himself. I'd rather be at home with Haru. I made up a lame excuse to leave and slipped away to the bar. I downed a beer before seeing a familiar face on the dance floor. 'Haru…' I thought tenderly. He seemed to be with someone, because when he left the dance floor he had someone in tow and I felt a ping of jealousy.

My eyes followed them for a while. Refusing offers before accepting one. He was hot. In fact he looked a little like Haru. And soon I was taken with him. He was tall, blonde with a choppy cut, and dressed like a 'vampire'. He said he was an Anne Rice fan (4), which was believable. I wanted to take him home.

_Haru _

I spotted Kyo leaving with a tall gothic guy, except he had a mop of blonde hair which almost ruined the look. And my heart shattered. I grabbed the guy I had been dancing with and practically dragged him out.

The liquor made me crazy, and we almost got it on in the cab, before he pulled up to Kyo's building and threw us out… Literally. I was ready to do anything to get rid of the hurt.

As we walked in the sounds of sex were already present from Kyo's room, just pissing me off more. Was Kyo really that blind to how I felt? The man I walked in with started to kiss me and remove my clothing.

I pushed him out of the apartment and threw myself on to the couch. I was miserable. Kyo's gasps and moans were what I wanted to hear, but not while he was with some one else. Gasping, moaning, screaming. Gawds. Couldn't they keep it down?

But something happened next I hadn't expected. Kyo started moaning my name. Screaming my name as he came! My name. My name.

I heard them start to argue, and wiped my eyes. My brain felt confused as my heart leapt for joy

Apparently I the man with Kyo was the jealous type. He didn't like to share 'his toys' as he put it. When he said that Kyo lost it. The man came storming out of the room followed by Kyo who slammed the door behind him apparently hitting him with it.

Kyo leaned against the door and slid down it.

"Damn it! Damnitdamnitdamnit!" Kyo shouted, hitting the floor. I watched him, studying him silently. "I'm never going to have a normal relationship with him always on my mind."

My heart skipped a beat. Was he talking about me?

"K-Kyo…?" The words left my lips before I could stop them. His head snapped up and his eyes grew wide.

"H-Haru, uh, how, uh, how long have you been there?" Kyo stumbled over his words. I got up and walked over to his huddled figure. My hands placed on either side of his face.

"Kyo… would it be rude of me?"

"Rude of you?" Kyo asked, his eyes finally meeting mine.

"Rude of me…" I let my body take over and shut my mind off (5).

_Kyo _

I laid him down on the bed. His silken white blonde hair spread around his face like a beam of light. My fantasies were right, he did look good on dark blue sheets. I didn't want to make love to him tonight, I just wanted to cherish him. I wanted to drink him up with my eyes.

The kisses shared between us were full of passion. Not like the lustful ones I had just had not to long ago. His soft hands brushed along my back, making chills run up my spine. I traced his jaw and down his ivory neck with small sucking kisses. We had put pants on to keep us from going any further, though I doubt that would stop us if we wanted. Haru nuzzled my neck and wrapped his arms around me.

I grabbed his hand and kissed his fingertips. "You know I finally figured out what you are…

"What am I?"

"You are what was missing in my life." He smiled at me and I kissed him again and pulled him closer to me.

"I love you Kyo." He muttered into my neck.

"And I love you too." I whispered. I felt him smile into my skin then bite my neck. "Ow" I said jokingly and he licked the wound in apology.

**888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888**

_Kyo _

We've been together for about half a year now. And we decide to come home for the New Year's party. Well to my mom's home. All the friends from my childhood are there. And Yuki too. Haru says he doesn't care, but I tell him to stay with me and away from him anyway.

Haru smiles as I put my arm around his waist.

I feel better when I notice shock on Yuki's face and there's envy in his eyes too.

I bend down and give Haru a kiss. Yuki walks over, a new boy toy on his arm. His name is Akito, I think. The initial shock of seeing us together still hasn't worn off when he smirks at me.

"I see you've collected my trash Kyo." Yuki says looking at Haru. Akito laughs. Haru's eyes start to tear. I remember what their relationship had meant to Haru. It was his first relationship. Mine still means a hell of a lot to me. Rage boils in me. Yuki started to say something else but I couldn't stand by-

'BAM!'

My fist landed perfectly on his jaw. The whole room gasped as Yuki fell to the floor. Akito's hand flew to his mouth.

"Your mistaken Yuki, your trash is still right there on the ground." I said spitting by his feet. Haru grabs my hand (I don't care what anyone says that frickin hurts!) and kisses my knuckles.

'Thank you' he mouths.

"No need to thank me, Love. No one ever talks to you that way again."

**000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000**

**Heh. Sorry to you Yuki fans, but I had to make him sort of an ass for the sake of the story. R&R, please.**

**1. I had a friend with this condition, and yes, as you get older it goes away.**

**2. I always wondered if Kyo were a writer what kind of stories would he write? I just had to make him a writer**

**3. Due to religious beliefs, I improvised on God. **

**4. I thought, wow Yuki should be a model, the first time I seen him.**

**5. All hail Anne Rice!**

**6. True life experience…. But you didn't need to know that…**


	2. We can be happy, right?

**What Was Missing**

_**Chapter Two: We can be happy, right?**_

I can see he's battling his demons from the past silently, trying to keep me unaware. It's been almost two years, but still he fights them. In his sleep, while he's in my arms, while he sits and stares at nothing, even while we're making love. I just want him to forget. I want to fill his life so completely with love, hope and happiness, that there is room for nothing else. That all else just melts from his memory. I can help, but I know that is all, it's his battle and only he can fight it. All I can do is hold him when the demons come and love him unconditionally as they melt away.

_Kyo_

My heads snaps up as the front door slams open.

I smile. Haru's home.

"Ugh… feet… hurt…" he mutters, takes two steps inside and crashes to the floor. My smile widens as I walk to his side. "Evil psycho bitch from Hell…" his final words before passing out in my arms. I laugh softly, carrying him to our room.

He must be talking about Aunt Kagura.

My Aunt Kagura owns a grocery store that Haru works at. I make enough money for the both of us, but he absolutely insisted on have a job. She had been more than willing to hire him when I asked her, after all growing up; I had been her favorite nephew.

Unfortunately, she doesn't seem to think Haru is good enough for me and often has him prove himself for her. He hasn't complained about it to me though. He thinks he's not good enough for me…

I don't think I'm good enough for him.

I kiss my pale lover and walk to the kitchen. I know after a hard days work, especially after one of Aunt Kagura's insane days, the best thing to do is eat something and sleep… Not always in that order.

**000**

"Haru." I call gently kissing him on the forehead. "Come on, wake up." One of his eyes opens slowly. It searches the room before settling on me.

"Something smells good." He flashes me a smile.

"It better, come eat." I smile as he continues to just lay there staring up at me. I love how those chocolate brown eyes peek out through his white-blonde bangs.

"What?" he asks, a blush creeping onto his face. I kiss his forehead again and whisper my love for him into his ear. He blushes deeper and looks away. Even after so long he's still unsure when it comes to intimacy. I'd really love to kill Yuki for all the damage he's done him.

"I love you…too."

**000**

My hands trace the lines of his body, slowly, as if memorizing him. I kiss his navel and move farther south, may hands following me down. Haru moans and pulls gently at the handcuffs holding him down.

"Kyo?" a voice mutters. I look up and feel the grin literally drop from my face. His body… it shifts and ripples beneath me until I'm looking at a giant snake. I begin to panic as it holds me in its icy and oddly familiar stare. I find I can't move. It's on top of me, crushing me.

"Kyo?"

"He belongsss to meee!" it hisses and I can see Haru falling in its eyes. He's screaming, reaching out for me. His eyes twisted in terror, begging me to grab hold of him and save him. I shout out something I can't hear, struggling to get out from under the giant, scaly body. The inky abyss of its mouth opens and it draws long white gleaming fangs toward my trapped figure.

"Kyo!"

"Ah!" I gasp, snapping my eyes open. Haru is sitting on my stomach looking down at me with concern in those dark brown eyes that I love. The eyes I just witnessed in torture. I breathe a sigh of relief, propping myself up on one elbow and reach up with my other hand to cup his face, smiling.

"Bad dream?" he asks, leaning into it.

"No, terrible dream." I smile then roll us over, pinning him beneath me. I trap his hands above his head with my right hand and hold myself up with the other. He shudders lightly as I place a gentle kiss on his neck. "Happy Birthday…" I whisper, nibbling on his ear.

"It's not… my birthday." He pants after I steal his breath away with a lengthy kiss. I smile.

"Can we pretend?" I nuzzle his neck. "I mean it is _someone's_ birthday right?" He laughs as I kiss his collar bone and then bite down.

"Play nice." He laughs quietly.

"Nice?"

BING-BONG!

The doorbell shatters the moment and I collapse onto him. I can feel his smile as I mumble a curse and stumble to answer the door.

"Sohma sensei!"

"Crap." A blonde runt of a boy jumps through the doorway and latches onto my waist. I feel Haru's hand press in between my shoulder blades.

"Remember what I said, play nice."

I give a huff and pop my jaw. "Momiji kun, let go of me." His arms fly behind his back and he smiles up at me. "Take four steps back." He complies and bounces back four steps. He's expecting something. I smirk and slam the door shut in his face. Haru laughs, wrapping his arms around my waist as I give a mock sigh of relief.

"Aw, no fair!" Momiji shouts through the door, banging on it loudly. He knows I'll let him in after a minute, to eat then hurry off to work.

But Haru and I stop moving as all falls silent out in the hall. I feel a strange sense of dread climb through my body as I move toward the door. "Momiji?" A sharp rapping on the door makes me jump and laugh nervously as I open the door. Momiji is still standing there, but he looks a little scared and awe-struck staring up at-

"Yuki…" I barely breathe out the name as I feel my anger rising and Haru's arms slip from my waist.

Yuki's sharp violet eyes barely take me in before moving over my shoulder. Haru. He moves to walk in but I stick an arm out to stop him. "What do you want?" I demand, making his cold gaze shift to me.

"I wish to speak to Haru." I look over my shoulder to Haru. If Haru wanted to, but never out of my sight.

"I have nothing to say to you." Haru states, eyes and voice becoming hollow and cold. Yuki's eyes flash a cold anger that takes me by surprise. He tries to take a step forward into the apartment, hand giving a slight twitch, but my arm stands firm, stopping him from taking another step towards my lover.

"You heard him. Now _leave_." I growl, letting my anger flow into my eyes and voice. His gaze never leaves Haru and he sneers.

"I won't forget this Haru and neither shall you!" With that he whips around and storms away before I can throttle him for his threat.

I spin around and rush to Haru's side, forgetting Momiji and the door. "Heh. That was kinda scary…" the younger boy whispers softly. I lift his face, my thoughts confirmed at the steady stream of tears running down his face from hollow, emotionless eyes. I kiss the tears from his cheeks, then his eyelids, gathering him into my arms, squeezing him protectively, possessively.

We hadn't seen Yuki in almost six months. Why now? Just to stir up shit with Haru? I wouldn't put it past him.

I notice Momiji standing a few feet away; his eyes dazed telling me he's somewhere else in his mind. I look down at my love, eyes half closed and smiling softly. "Momiji," I ask, never taking my eyes from Haru. "Can we, can we cancel for the day?"

Haru's eyes snap open as if just waking. "No you can't. You have classes today. And you've got to meet with your editor. He'll kill you if you skip out again." He runs to our room and returns a minute later with a tee shirt, cargo pants and my bag. He pushes them into my arms giving me a stern look. "I'll be okay." he whispers nuzzling my neck after kissing it.

"Okay." We kiss again as I rush into the bathroom.

As me and Momiji leave the apartment Haru gives me a coffee mug and a smile.

"I'm okay."

Momiji smiles up at me as I pull the door closed. As I hear the lock slid into place I feel a sudden fear pull me back to the apartment, but I brush it off as foolish and walk to the elevator.

"What?" I growl down at the blonde brat who has been smiling up at me like a damn fool since we left.

"Oh, it's just…" he pauses as the elevator doors open to the lobby. "He's okay, but I can tell you aren't, are you?"

My mouth drops open and I'm left staring after the boy who won't stop amazing me.

_Haru_

I tell him I'm okay, but I'm freaking out inside. I need to stop leaning on him.

I can still feel his arms around me. I can smell his scent all around me. Even as a child with my mother and father, I have never felt safer anywhere on earth with anyone on this cursed planet than with him. In his arms I feel as though I'm a child again and he's creating a safe haven for me, a heaven I can always come back to. No matter how far I go. I relax, feeling safe again just thinking of him.

I stretch letting my bones give a few pops then look around the apartment. I have no work today and the place is too clean to mess around with.

I sigh.

Boredom seems to come quickly to me. What's an eighteen year old to do when he's left home alone for the day? Well, this eighteen year old needs to get a shower then get dressed, I note looking down.

All I have on is a pair of black jeans and a sock.

**000**

My hair is still dripping lukewarm water as I pull on a white tank and black hoody. The necklace Kyo gave me is cold against my chest. It's a thin silver cross with an angel etched on the front and our names on the back. An anniversary gift. Our first year anniversary. I can remember that night more vividly than any other in my young existence.

"Having fun?" The cold voice snaps me from my beautiful memories to reality. Cold pale hands are placed softly on my shoulders as I begin to shake. "Haru, Haru, Haru. What could you possibly be thinking that leaves such a grin on your face and soft look in your eyes? Not of my brother I hope."

"Yuki?" my voice comes out as a squeak. His arms wrap around my shoulders, one hand coming up to turn my face to his. His smile like a snake.

"I'm willing to forgive that little… incident from this morning if you'll come home." His voice sweet and dripped with poison, he gives my earlobe a little lick.

"This is my home." I whisper, feeling my body go empty again.

"Not for long though. How long do you think it's going to take for Kyo to get sick of your whining? Before he realizes you're not worth the time or effort?"

"Kyo _loves_ me… he-he won't get sick of me." I chock out, but in the back of my mind a voice asks 'Will he?' "There's no way I'd ever return to you if he did anyway." He smiles into my cheek.

"Let me put it this way. If you don't come back, Kyo won't be able to have you anymore."

"I don't care if you kill me." My voice is becoming too bold.

"Who said anything about killing you?"

I turn my head back further to look at him, my heart stopping as I realize what he means. Tears well in my eyes. "You wouldn't."

"Try me." I wretch myself from his arms and run from the room, falling smack on my face, tripping over my towel. Yuki's on me in a second, standing on my legs, grinding his feet into my knees, smiling his snake smile.

"You couldn't if you tri-." His hand stings as it meets my face in a strong blow. I've gone so long without a beating I cry out. Suddenly his belt is snaps against my face. Tears begin to leak from my eyes as I shout and try to block his blows. I'm slammed back down on my face quickly. He's too strong for me…

I cry scratching at him, the floor, anything I can reach. It's useless.

"Kyo…"

_Kyo_

"Very good class, I'll see you next week." I smile as the little kids rush their waiting parents' arms. Kids are cute, but I don't have the patience to deal with them all the time. Or even half of the time.

"Nice work Kyo, I think they're beginning to like you." Momiji laughs.

"I agree."

I turn towards the familiar voice with a smile on my face. "Da- er, Shishou. I wasn't expecting you to be down today. What's the occasion?"

"Do I need a reason to visit my son?" Kazuma smiles at me. He's the owner of the dojo and my father. Well, my step father anyway. "Let's go to lunch." I smile but shake my head.

"Can't. Momiji and I-."

"Momiji, do you and Kyo want to go to lunch with me?"

"Sure!" I send I fake glare towards my father as Momiji pulls me after him to the car.

**000**

"What do you mean familiar?" my fathers' brow comes together in confusion.

"I donno, like I've seen them before. Anyway it's not that big of a deal. It's just a dream." I shrug taking another sip of my water and lean my chair back on its back legs. Momijis' dark brown eyes look troubled as he stares at me.

"Kyo, reoccurring dreams often have a deeper meaning."

"Momiji's right." I shake my head laughing at their paranoia.

"You said the stare was _familiar_, can you think of any one who gives that stare?" Momiji presses. "Or any one who might want to cause you harm?"

These guys are going crazy on me. I can't think of any one with that kind of angry, icy, inhuman-

I stand up quickly, knocking over my glass. I can't think of any one except.-

I run as fast as I can to the car, peeling out before anyone can blink. My mind a hazy mess. Oh my god, I left him alone, I left him alone!

I'm sure I'm breaking traffic laws left and right but who cares I need to get home as quick as humanly possible.

I stop in the middle of the street in front of the apartment building and tear from my car. It's a miracle I hadn't been pulled over. I race up the stairs, the elevators too slow, and arrive at my door within seconds. My heart is pounding as I reach for the door knob. I twist it…

And breathe out a sigh of relief. It's still locked.

Thank god. I smile pushing my key into the lock. Me and Haru are gonna have a big laugh over this one. I push the door open.

Something's not right. I can feel it as soon as I walk in. It's the silence, the absence of warmth that chills me immediately, the feeling of pain that washes over me.

_Or maybe it's just my paranoia. _

No. Something is defiantly wrong.

I take a few steps into the living room and look down the hallway.

My heart stops beating in my chest. "Haru…"

I can't believe I left him alone.

**000**

**End o' chapter two, chapter three will be up shortly. I just had to continue this story. It was following me like a little ghostie, gnawing on my brain. It's just not like me to leave them happy and fulfilled. I wonder if that makes me a bad person? From now on more characters will show up and have parts –notice Momiji-- I want to bring Tohru back, but that probably won't happen. How could I explain her disappearance? Anyway keep reading and telling me what you think. Chapter Three! Will Haru comply with Yuki's threats or will Kyo be able to save him?**


	3. When the earth shatters beneath you

**What Was Missing**

_**Chapter Three: When the earth shatters beneath you.**_

You won't understand. You don't have to understand. I'll protect you… even if that means hurting you.

**000**

"Is he okay?"

"I don't know. I haven't heard anything yet."

"I meant Kyo."

"So did I."

**000**

_**Kyo**_

I can't believe I left him alone…

These words keep swirling around in my mind. Momiji keeps reminding me that he told me to go, that he said he would be okay. I shouldn't have left him anyway.

I'm afraid to cry. I don't know why, but I feel like crying would be giving in.

Haru said only one sentence to me when I picked him up off the hallway floor.

"Just remember, I'll always love you, Okay?"

**000**

"What do you mean? Of course he was attacked! You think he'd do that to himself? Why are you just standing around? Go get that slimy bastard!" My father and Momiji are holding me down as I yell at the police men that have started backing up.

"I'm sorry sir, but without a complaining victim, we have no crime."

I freeze. "Wha-? Without a complaining victim?"

"Yes sir, he says there was no attack."

Momiji and my father let go, both with the same shocked look I'm sure I have on my face. I clench my jaw and swallow, eyes darting around, filling with tears, not seeing anything they pass over. He must be scared of Yuki, yeah that's it, he must be afraid Yuki will get to him again if he talks.

"No, I'm not."

I turn towards Haru's voice. I begin to walk towards him, to take him in my arms, but the look on his face stops me.

"I wasn't attacked. And I'm scared of no one."

I give a weak smile and reach a hand out to him, but he turns away from me. What's wrong with him? He storms past me and out the doors, leaving me staring after him. Momiji places a hand on my arm, looking up at me with sad eyes.

Something's very, very wrong.

**000**

"What are you doing?" I ask, staring at his suitcase on our bed. My heart is beating so hard I can barely hear anything above it. He doesn't answer and continues to throw clothes into the strange object on the bed.

I close my eyes and look down biting my bottom lip. No. This can't be happening, not him too.

_Maybe he thinks you can't protect him._

I place my hand on his wrist gently, making his eyes meet mine. 'Don't go' I mouth to him. My voice is lost, voice box over come with emotion. The corner of his mouth twitches down. "Don't go, please don't go." My voice quivers with unshed tears. Something passes over his eyes, and he pours himself into my arms which instinctively wrap around him in a crushing hold, pulling him to my chest as if trying to fuse us into one person.

I feel his hands clutch at my back.

And for a moment, we become one person. One mass of sorrow and regret.

He pulls away quickly. "I'm going home."

Home? My spirit lifts. Maybe he just needs some time with his parents and he'll be back.

"Yuki will come for my stuff later."

"Y-Yuki?" I stare in disbelief. You mean he's going back to Yuki?

"Yeah, I said I was going home." He zips the suitcase closed, lifts it up and turns back too me. "It was, uh, fun, but I'd better get going."

I don't look at him as he walks to the door, but he pauses and turns back to me. He lifts a pale hand gracefully to his throat, pulling off the silver crucifix I had had made especially for him, and hands it to me.

"I don't want it anymore…"

Tears are dangerously close to falling, but I hold them back. I squeeze the warmed metal and grab his wrist again. I take a deep breath and swallow the lump in my throat. "Remember…" I pull him against my chest. "My bed is only for you."

I brush my lips against his softly. "My bed is only for you…"

**000**

_You left me with goodbye and open arms_

_A cut so deep I don't deserve_

_You were always invincible in my eyes_

_The only thing against us now is time_

The singers' smooth sultry voice wraps around the lyrics that hit my heart in the wrong spot.

Three weeks. Haru had been gone three weeks to the hour. I sit here in the dark of my apartment with a bottle of Jack and my tormenting mind.

_Could it be any harder to say goodbye_

_And without you _

_Could it be any harder to watch you go_

_To face what's true  
If I only had one more day_

I've had this song on repeat since four a.m.

Three weeks. I still haven't cried.

I've only gone outside to supervise my classes, not even teaching them.

My editor keeps calling, but I haven't called back. Momiji keeps coming over, but I don't answer the door. The world keeps moving, but I don't want to catch up.

Even when Tohru left I wasn't down, even though I was with her longer.

_I lie down and blind myself with laughter_

_A quick fix of hope is what I needed_

_Now I wish that I could turn back the hours_

_But I know I just don't have the power_

I feel as though I'll never get over this.

I finger the crucifix and close my eyes. I had fixed the chain and haven't taken it off since. It's my last connection to him.

Yuki's 'people' had come for Haru's things the other day, leaving only my memories, his scent on the pillow next to mine, and this necklace.

_Could it be any harder to say goodbye_

_And without you _

_Could it be any harder to watch you go_

_To face what's true  
If I only had one more day_

_Well, I'd jump at the chance _

_We'd drink and we'd dance_

_And I'd listen close to your every word_

_As if it's your last, well I know it's your last_

_Cause today, oh you're gone_

A deep sigh behind me makes me turn around. Momiji looks at me with eyes of an innocent anger.

"I thought you said drinking was only for special occasions."

I smile and cluck my tongue. "Isn't dying a special occasion?" I feel a sudden sharp sting on my cheek.

H-he just slapped me! I turn to him, eyes widened, brain disbelieving. He grabs me by the shoulders and gives me a shake.

"So he left you! Get over it!" My mouth drops open and I begin to shake my head. "And if you can't get over it, find out _why_ he left! Or pretend you're over it, and without realizing it, you will be over it! Can't you see there are people who still love you and hate seeing you like this? Can't you see how much it's hurting me…?"

I stare at him as he turns away, the bottle drops from my hand, splashing to the floor. I take his face in my hands, making him look at me. He looks as if he's going to cry.

"Do you love me?" I ask, suddenly aware of him.

"I am sick with love for you!" He screams, pulling away and pounding the power button on my radio. The room falls to silence as he walks onto my balcony.

I stare after him a moment longer, then get up and follow him out. I wrap my arms around his smaller figure, kissing his neck. He leans into it.

_He'll do. For now, he'll do._

"Then stay with me."

His eyes pop open and he shoves me with an unbelievable amount of force.

"I've waited for so long to hear you say those words to me." A fierce anger and pain rising in his voice again.

"Then what's the-."

"How dare you!" The force of his voice silences me. "How dare you play with me like this? I'm not a tool to help you get over Haru! Once you can look at me and I cannot see Haru reflected in your eyes, I might believe you, but not like this. Not when you're drunk as hell and trying to satisfy your pain."

"Feh, what's your problem?" His hand stings my face again.

"You disgust me…" With that he stormed into the apartment and I heard the front door slam. I replay what just happened in my foggy mind. I disgust myself, using my friend like that… what a horrible person I've become…

"'You disgust me' eh? Thanks for making me see it Mo." I whisper to the air, lean over the railing, contemplate tipping over the edge, then turn around, walking into the lonely apartment.

_**Haru**_

Right now, life isn't as bad as before, it's like the middle of our romance last time. There are rules, not restrictions. There are warnings and threats, not beatings. The worst threat is the one that guards me from seeing or talking to Kyo.

He's trying to make me love him again, promises, caresses, gentleness.

It's not working.

I'm hollow. The only thing that can fill me is Kyo. I need Kyo to be alive. Nothing Yuki can do or say will change that.

I stare blindly out the café window, wishing I had kept that necklace, when a familiar blonde blur passes by. Bright pink coat, neon blue bag. Momiji! I throw down some money and rush out, catching up easily to my old friend.

"Momiji!" I shout grabbing him by his back pack. Tear stained face turns to me, brown eyes barely taking me in before he leaps into my arms. I pull the sobbing boy into a nearby clothing store. "What's wrong?" His grip on me tightens.

"Why'd you do it? Why'd you leave him like that? Don't you understand what you've done?"

My heart beat quickens.

"What happened? Is Kyo alright?" I ask, too frantic to keep my voice down, pulling many eyes towards us. "Please don't tell me-."

"He's dead!" The world around me turned black and I stopped breathing. "Inside! He's dead inside!"

I sink to the floor, breathing again. "You ever do that to me again… I'll kill you."

"But did you hear me? He needs you! And not only did you leave him, you left him for that-that bastard!" Momiji never acts like this and I'm genuinely scared he might kill me.

"It's more complicated than that… You don't understand." He kneels beside me.

"Then make me understand." he whispers, finally seeming himself.

**000**

"Why didn't you tell the police?"

"They wouldn't be able to say or do a thing. I've learned that much from living with him."

"Why didn't you tell Kyo? He would've died for you."

"But that's just it. I don't want him to die."

"Yuki couldn't possibly do anything that bad."

"I'm positive he could… can. I believe he is capable of anything." Momiji stands and begins to walk away. I think he's upset with me. I watch him get to the door, but he turns around and walks back to the table.

"I need you to be okay for the sake of Kyo."

"I am." I mumble, not looking him in the eyes, fearful he'll know I'm lying.

"Can I at least tell him?" I nod my head negatively; he'll pull something if he knows. Momiji heaves a sigh. "Sadly, he'd still die for you. But you won't for him…"

He walks away again before I can retort to that blow.

Can't he see, by being with Yuki, I am dying for Kyo.

I place money on the table and walk out. I can't believe Kyo is suffering so much. He's always been so strong. He was the strongest person I knew. He _is_ the strongest person I _know_. I won't speak of him past tense. He's still alive.

_Not for long if what Momiji says is true…_

I curse silently and turn around.

I need to see him.

It takes only minutes to reach his fathers dojo. But when they ask my name, I only get silence and cold glares in response.

"Kyo is not in." A deep voice makes me shiver. "Not for you anyway." I turn and find myself face to face with Kazuma san, Kyo's father. I bow down quickly.

"You don't realize what I risk coming here, please, if he is here let me see him." I plead, never rising from my bow. He lifts my face with strong fingers and looks into my eyes. I'm sure I visibly shrink back.

"He's… not here…" He turns and begins to walk down a corridor. "Come with me."

I follow without question. Silently, dodging harsh glances from Kyo's friends and co-workers. God, does everyone know our business? He leads me to an office and motions for me to sit, taking his own seat behind the dark wood desk. Again he observes me in silence. It seems hours pass before he speaks.

"I warn you, do not play games with my sons' heart. He's fragile enough as it is."

_Kyo fragile?_

"That seems to shock you. Kyo… is… _afraid_ of rejection more than anything else. His father left his family as a result from Kyos' early medical condition. He couldn't handle it. He saw it as the rest of the world saw it. A disease, a deficiency. As a result, his mother wasn't as kind to him as she was to Yuki. Yuki was the favored child." Kazuma paused, eyes drifted away. "When I met him, he was finally venting. Fights, skipping school, stealing. I made him vent it another way as soon as his mother and I got married, which resulted in his love for the martial arts."

Medical condition? I'm confused quickly. I knew about the delinquency and Yuki favoritism. But he always talked of Kazuma san as though he were his real father and this medical condition? Maybe I don't know him as well as I thought…

"He didn't tell you did he? No, I don't suppose he would've…"

"Medical… condition…?"

"I don't know the specifics. His mother never told me and I doubt he ever knew its proper name. You know how when you put your hand on, or near a burner you can feel the heat and instantly pull your hand away, right?" I nodded in agreement. "Kyo's mother was cooking and pulled a pan off the stove when Kyo walked in and leaned directly onto it. It wasn't until I said something did he notice and even then he gave no shout." My brow came together. "His nerve endings don't reach the surface of his skin leaving him with no feeling… on the surface. With a child like that, it takes constant care and watching. This can be driving on some peoples' patience and nerves."

"And I'm just making him dive further into his biggest fear, aren't I? I just…" I think I'm crying but I can't tell. I'm hurting him worse than I could've ever feared. "Don't-don't tell him I came here, please."

I get up and walk to the door.

"I know Yuki and I know what he is capable of. If he is the reason for this sudden change in you, as I'm sure he is, do not hesitate to come to me for help."

I don't turn to him, just open the door and step out. But he's not done with me.

"Do well to remember, Kyo would die for you."

Why does everyone say that?

**000**

"I heard you were down at the dojo today." Yuki sneers putting an arm around my waist. "Visiting someone?" The grip becomes a tad too tight.

"Yes, your father." Yuki smiles and loosens his grip just slightly. "I told him to give Kyo back some jewelry I had accidentally taken."

"Ah, yes, you and your jewelry." He laughed lightly and twirled me. I can't enjoy myself. Even if it is a party. The lights are low, the alcohol is weak, the people are beautiful and the fun is found in insulting one another.

I feel like I'm at a modeling convention.

I remember the last party I was at had actual beer, music from another planet, the fun was in being with people you liked and Kyo was with me.

"Ow." A sudden sharp pinch brought me back to reality. "What?"

"Could you at least fake a smile?" He hisses into my ear.

"Could you at least fake humanity?"

Shit.

I'm used to having spats with Kyo. Retorting what ever insult came to mind. Wrong person. Wrong time. Bad move.

"We'll talk about this when we get home."

_**Kyo**_

Its been two months. Momiji, who I finally got to talk to me again, was right. I've been pretending to be over it and little by little, I've become better. Not completely, just a bit. I've begun teaching my classes again, still dodging my editor though. I can't face him. I mean, how can I write of such passion when I feel such sorrow? Like I said not completely, just a bit.

"I just feel bad." I say, flopping down on the park bench.

"What do you mean?" Momiji asks, pulling his feet up.

"I haven't cried for him yet. Don't you think I should have cried?" Momiji laughs. "What?"

"I just can't picture you crying."

"Hey!" I smile. Ever since that day, Momiji and I have become a little closer, like brothers almost. "You know, the last time I saw him, when he left the apartment… I made him a promise. That my bed… was only for him… I know this is all Yuki's doing, and I know Haru will break free. So I have to keep that promise, until he comes back to me."

Momiji stares at me with eyes so sad, so full of pain; I think I shouldn't've told him that. But I can see something else mixed in there. Something…

"What's wrong Mo?"

"Kyo, there's something I need to tell you…"

**000**

**Chapter three closes on the spilling of a secret! Okay, I know, I'm a little too excited. But I can't help it. Too much sleep and sugar! Whoa, that's a complete 180 from the normal routine, huh? Summer has been good to this little Irish girl. Any way chapter four is on the way. I've re-written the third chapter so many times I thought I'd never finish! Any-who in case any one is wondering the song Kyo is listening to, is _"Could It Be Any Harder"_ by The Calling. The Calling is most known for that song "_Wherever You Will Go"_. One of the first CD's I ever actually bought myself. Sad, but true. Not usually the type of thing I listen to. Well, until the next chapter!**


	4. Of Angels that bleed

**What Was Missing**

_**Chapter Four: Of Angels That Bleed**_

You were my world, my heart and my soul. You kept me going all those days that nothing went right and all I wanted to do was die. Every word you said made me happy kept me going through the hours you were away. You said you would always be there and as soon as those words left your lips you disappeared. They were lies, but I won't cry. I still love you. I still love you. I still love you.

**00000**

_Haru_

My heart.

I feel it beating in my chest, pumping blood furiously to the wound on my forehead.

I can't stop the blood. It keeps bleeding. I'm getting dizzy.

What was I doing? Is it raining? I'm tired.

Why do my arms feel heavy? Why am I so tired?

_Kyo_

A chill coursed through me as I pulled out of the parking lot. I looked over at Momiji trying to figure out the growing sensation of pain in my body. My heart skipped a beat.

"I've got to get to Haru."

"What?" Momiji placed a slender hand on my shoulder. He laced his fingers through mine, eyes pulling me down. "Please don't leave…" His soft brown eyes pleading with me. Damn. I can't say no to those beautiful eyes. They just look so much like Haru's. I bit my lip and sighed.

"I-." I look away trying to hide a blush. "I won't go…"

Momiji smiles up at me, somewhat sad and I can't help but grin back at him. I won't let this one get hurt. I won't make this one walk away from me. I will take care of him and make him my world. My hand brushes against his pale cheek and he giggles up at me.

"Hey, no giggling in my car." I look over at his puzzled expression. "It's a joke Mo. I want to hear you giggle."

His grin appears as I rev the engine.

For now, this is all I want.

_Momiji_

I love him. So much. To see him unhappy, it breaks every part of my soul to see him in pain. All I want is for his smile to be back. And if I'm allowed to be the one that makes him smile then my world is perfect. I can't ask for anything more.

A part of me feels guilt because I know Haru's true intention, to keep Kyo safe. I know Haru still loves him. Haru still wishes to be here in my place, next to this amazing man. But I've known Kyo longer; my loyalties lie at Kyo's feet. His smile is my sun. His tears are my rain. I love him. And I want to think Haru would thank me for keeping Kyo from falling apart.

At least that's what I want to think.

**00000**

"Don't add that yet!"

_Ssssssssssss!!!_

"Oopsie…" I can feel my eyes take over half of my face. I've ruined dinner once again… Kyo stares at the meat in the pan and looks back at me before his deep voice finds it way out in a chuckle, soon its full blown laughter. And for some reason I don't know why but I begin to laugh along with him. He pulls me into his arms and wraps me up.

"Oh my god, I love you." He continues to laugh but those words stop me.

He loves me? My heart skips a beat. He loves me…

Tears burn my eyes and spill down my cheeks. Oh god… he loves me. My heart threatens to break it's so happy. The man I've looked up to, studied under, and come to love just finally said he loved me. I've heard it, but now I want to hear it again. I've waited so long I just want to hear it again.

"Mo?" he lifts my face with one big hand, making my eyes meet his. "I'm sorry… if you didn't want me to say that I'll-."

"No. I love when you say it." My tears flow without restraint.

"Then I'll say it for you all the time." His lips capture mine softly, pushing them into rhythm with his. His teeth pull gently at my bottom lip until I open my mouth to his tongue. My hands clutch at his back as his arms pull me close to him as possible and I can feel him hard on my stomach, orange hair brushing my face filling the air with a deep rosewood scent.

"I love you." He whispers into my ear, nuzzling my neck. He pulls away slowly kissing my forehead. "I love you."

My body screams for more of him, but I let him turn back to the ruined pan which has begun to smoke. He turns and takes me by the waist, guiding me to the stove.

"Watch me Mo."

As I watched, he turned the disgusting goop into a beautiful edible meal.

And though I watched I couldn't tell you how it was done, I was too busy thinking about how nice his strong hand felt gripping my waist the entire time.

_Haru_

Violet eyes greet me as I stumble out of unconsciousness.

Not who I wanted to see.

The last person I wanted to see.

_Kyo_

I do love him. I wouldn't have said it otherwise. But right now, as I lay here in my bed alone again, my mind is on Haru.

As I moan, stroking my hard member, quivering as I cum all over my chest, Haru's beautiful face is all that fills my mind. My memory remembers Haru's soft coo's that always followed our finish, always at the same time, as if designed specifically for each other. The way he was always ready to take and never to give.

My Haru was just that.

Mine.

Was I the only one who was happy? The only one who thought we were perfect for each other?

Why didn't he love me anymore?

Did I not give him something he wanted? What? Was I wrong? Did I become too clingy? Did I not pay enough attention to him? Was our harmony something I had invented?

What the hell happened?

I want to believe I won't hurt Momiji. That soon all my love will be only for him.

My mind says that but my heart knows it's not true. Haru will always be the only one for me.

Right now I can't help feeling very much like a criminal.

_Momiji_

"Moshi moshi!" I smile into the receiver. My heart flutters as I wait for Kyo's voice.

"…"

"Hello?"

"Mo… Momiji…"

My face pales. Haru.

"H-Haru?" My voice shakes as I try to answer. My heart begins to break. I can't talk to him. I don't want to talk to him.

A sob breaks his silence. "I need him… I need him! Please help me… I can't feel my body, Mo. He hurt me pretty bad this time… Please Mo, I have no where else to turn…"

**0000000000000**

**Yay****! I got something done ****tonite****I love leaving ****cliffies****! Ha ****ha****. Anyways here is the next ****chappy**


	5. Fate finds us always

**What Was Missing**

_**Chapter Five: **__**Fate Finds Us Always**_

The song you got stuck in my head is still there. The days that have past since then should have wiped it from my memory, but they have only made it sharper. It tugs at my heart when I catch myself humming along. I cry when I think of you. And I know, I'm alone in this. You're too far for me to reach.

_**Haru**_

When did the rain get so beautiful to me?

I smile. I remember when.

Since Kyo saved me on a rainy day.

My feet are numb, my body covered in bruises, I can't move my arm without my body screaming in agony, and standing up straight is a feat I can't accomplish. But I can smile. Kyo, even in thought, can make me smile.

My body screams at me again. It wants me to stop moving, to lie down, and die. But I have to see him just one more time. Just once more.

My feet betray me and I trip.

As soon as I hit the ground I know it's over. I don't have the strength to get up again.

But I try. My good arm tries to push my limp body up, my frozen feet try to push off anything they can.

Its done, my energy leaves me stranded in a puddle.

I laugh. What a funny way to die. I'm not sad at all.

Just full of regrets.

_**Momiji**_

I hang up the phone defeated, tears streaming down my face.

Right now the man I love is leaving his apartment to go find the one he actually loves.

He didn't say a word as the entire story fell from my lips. All my misdeeds. All of my lies. All of Haru's suffering. He knows it all now. And I've lost him forever. He didn't even say goodbye to me. One minute his even breathing was in my ear and then it was gone. I waited long enough to hear the dial tone before hanging up.

The sobs that kept trapped in my chest break out now. My body shakes with their force.

I don't even try to hold anything back. I can here my sobs echoing off the walls of my room. How can I feel so strongly about a person I've only been with for a short while? How can my heart feel so empty now?

All I can think about now.

All that my heart hopes for.

Don't leave me. Don't hate me. Don't leave me!

_**Kyo**_

Yuki. My rage begins to take over. Yuki threatened Haru with my life. Behind my rage is relief. My Haru.

I'm coming, just hold on.

Momiji said that the last time Haru called him he said something was wrong. He sounded hurt… dying…

I'm speeding. I've been doing a lot of that lately. I turn sharply, nearly colliding with a street vender. The road through the park is the shortest path to my bastard of a brother's apartment. My vision becomes hazed with my anger.

Something pink bounces into the street about a block ahead of me. I slam on the breaks as I recognize it as a child's parka. Someone screams outside as a tan and white blur flashes in front of me scooping up the child. I finally get the car to stop right on the spot the child was standing. I turn to see if the child and blur are okay.

My heart skips.

Ivory flesh covered with dried blood and bruises. Deep brown lifeless eyes. Pales pink lips. He smiles when our eyes meet. My eyes brim with tears. My Haru. Broken, bloodied and battered, but still my Haru.

"K-Kyo… I t-told you th-that car was too fast for you…"

As that sentence leaves his broken lips he falls to the ground, left arm bent unnaturally behind him.

I'm sure I'm screaming, but I can't hear anything. I pull Haru up into my arms and hop back into the car. I cradle him in my arms and speed away. He moans as I take a hard right and head for the nearest hospital.

"Haru, I'm here now. I'm here." As much as I will it not to my voice still cracks.

Heads turn our way as the car slides to a halt. I jump out, handling Haru as carefully as I can. For the first time I realize how light he is, how thin he's gotten.

My heart throbs. He must have fought against Yuki with everything he had…

I run through the emergency room doors screaming at the first nurse I see.

I don't know what I'm screaming, but it seems to get the point across, help him now or I'll kill you.

I'm kinda hoping that isn't what I said.

I'm reluctant to let him go. To give him up again. My heart tells me to never let go, he might not come back. But my head says if I don't let go, he'll die in my arms.

My brain wins.

He's taken away from me by grim faced doctors and nurses. And my heart prays that I'll be able to see him again…

_**Momiji**_

I pull up to the hospital heart fluttering in my chest. As I climb out of my car Kyo runs to meet me.

I flinch expecting a well deserved beating.

But his arms pull me to him, crushing me to his chest. He's not yelling, not hitting me, he's _hugging_ me. I feel his tears silently falling onto my neck. So I hold him. I put my arms around him and let him cry unseen, unheard tears onto my shoulders.

"I'm here…" I whispered

I'll always be here.

_**Haru**_

I hurt.

Ouch. That's all I can think. I guess I can't be dead. Being dead wouldn't hurt so much… You would hope any way.

I try to open my eyes. They feel like they're glued shut.

I try to talk. But my throat feels like a desert. I reach up to my eyes and use my fingers to pry them open.

What I see takes my breath away.

His tan body is sprawled out on a chair next to me, long lithe legs splayed out, one arm in his lap, the other behind his head which is bent so far back all I can see is his nose and chin. But the hair. The hair is the most welcome thing I've seen in months. Brilliant golden orange, longer than I remember it, but still soft and shiny. I smile and try to sit up.

"Fuck!"

My body screams at me for even attempting to move. I let myself fall back then silently curse as pain shoots through me again.

"Haru!" the whisper echo's trough the room.

I turn my head slightly as a platinum blonde walks through the door.

I smile again. "Momiji…"

He rushes over to my side and grabs my hand. He's smiling but his eyes hold a sadness I've never seen before.

"How is he?" My voice is hoarse.

"The same. Never leaving your side." He smiles down at me.

"How long…?"

"A week."

"A week!" My eyes flew to my angel. He snored gently and turned over in the chair, nearly falling out of it.

"He never left the room. Nearly got arrested when a doctor tried to remove him from the room. I don't think he would've eaten if a nurse hadn't brought food in."

I laughed, tears sliding down my face. "Can I have a drink?"

"Haru!!!"

I blinked and suddenly my lips were taken over by something soft and warm. I smiled as crimson eyes met mine. My lips instinctively moved with his. His teeth brushed my bottom lip making me moan as he moved down my chin to my neck. My breath became ragged as my body began to tingle.

"Ah-hem."

Kyo froze and turned to the door. I look over his shoulder.

Doctor.

Damn. I sigh as Kyo returns to his seat next to me.

My eyes wander around the room as I numbly answer the doctor's questions. Suddenly it hits me. I hurry the doctor through his final questions lying about the pain. I don't need to be pumped full of any more drugs at the moment. I wait for several more seconds as the doctor writes everything down, then check all of my machines.

Finally I jump on Kyo.

"Why are you here?" I ask regretting it instantly as I realize how it sounds.

His face is hurt at first but then he smiles at me. "Because I love you."

My heart monitor beeps faster and I blush a deep red. Damn thing. Giving away all my secrets.

"But… After what I did to you… How can you…?"

"Because I know why you did it. You silly boy. Don't you ever try to protect me again. At least not like that." He frowns suddenly. "Momiji said you didn't want him to say anything to me. Why?" He grabs my hand fingers careful of the IV taped in place. "Why would you keep something like that from me? Did you think I wouldn't protect you?"

I felt my eyes burn with unshed tears. "Why? Because you're always there to catch me on the bad days when nothing is right. You protect me from everything. And I couldn't stand the thought of you getting hurt, even the slightest bit, by Yuki."

"The worst thing Yuki could ever do is take you away from me."

My heart breaks. "So what your saying is I hurt you. Not Yuki, but me?"

His eyes widen and he looks at me shocked. "No, oh god no. That was Yuki as well. You may have left, but just because he threatened you. And I know someday, you will walk away-." He places one long finger over my lips and raises his eyebrows as if to say 'let me finish' "But, I want that to be your decision and not anyone else's."

"They were right." I whisper as a tear breaks the barrier and slips silently down my face.

"Who was?" His face went quizzical.

"Everyone. They all said you would die for me… but I didn't listen. I just…" my voice left me.

"Everyone. Couldn't they see… that you were dying for me?"

Finally all the tears broke and I let them. I didn't care, because on his neck was my necklace, gleaming brightly against his golden skin.

Kyo followed my eyes, grasping the silver crucifix as he realized. He reached behind his neck and unhooked it. "This is yours." He whispered sliding it around my neck.

"Kyo…" My voice held all of my emotions that I didn't want to share.

_**Kyo**_

I gazed into his chocolate eyes. This, this is all I've ever wanted; he is all I'll ever need. He breaks my gaze eyes sweeping the room.

"Um… Where's Momiji?" He asks.

I look around, and my heart goes into frenzy. "Mo…" I turn back to my white hair love. "Haru… Uh… while you were away, I really thought you didn't want me any more and now… me and Momiji are… well. Me and Momiji are dating…"

_**Momiji**_

My tears refuse to be pushed back anymore and I collapse by the front entrance. My sobbing draws attention from the smokers that stand outside. That kiss… I want to be on the end of all that passion. I wanted all of his love. Why? Why couldn't I have left before he woke up?

My heart throbs in my chest so bad I fear I'll break by the sheer force.

Why, why couldn't that have been me?

_**Kyo**_

I can see hurt fill Haru's eyes.

"Haru… Haru, all this time, I loved only you. I tried to make it work with him, but all this time it's been you I wanted… I only wanted you." I try to explain and I know there is no reasonable explanation. Haru's pale hand brushes my face and I lean into it instinctively.

"Don't. You don't have to explain. Don't think about me. Don't think about Momiji. Just think about you. Go find him please." He looks up at me for a brief moment then looks away, letting his hand drop.

"But…"

"Go." His voice is pleading and hurt.

Shit. So I leave. Not letting myself see the tears in his eyes. I run down the halls looking for the blonde boy that helped me keep my sanity in the months I had to live without Haru. As soon as my heart tells me my search has failed, I find him. He's crouched at the entrance, body shaking with the sobs I can't hear.

I walk out quietly and gently touch his shoulder. "Mo…" He looks up at me, eyes red and nose pink. And something in my chest tightens making it hard for me to breath.

And I realize I love him too. My heart has split in two and one side belongs to him. My head hurts and though I know I'm pushing it I crush him in a hug. "Mo, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

His hands wrap around me. "Kyo! Kyo... please, please don't hate me!"

I pull my head back shocked. "Hate you? Mo, why would I hate you?"

"Because I'm selfish! I knew he didn't leave you by his choice but I wanted you too much to tell you that!" He breaks down in my arms.

"Mo, calm down, I don't hate you. I could never hate you. How could you even think that?"

His sobbing slows and he stops shaking. "You mean it?"

I smile sadly and nod my head.

"But I'm not the one for you… I know that already." He says putting my sad look and words together.

"I'm sorry Momiji… but for me the only one is Haru." He nods his head. Wiping the tears away with the back of his hand and sniffing loudly.

"I know… I've always known…"

I smile and kiss his forehead. "Yeah, I think even the gods know that."

He laughs lightly and pushes out of my arms. "I guess this is it. We're over."

"Yeah, I guess so. Haru knows. I told him." Momiji turns back to me shocked.

"But I'm the one who should've told him. I'm the one who-."

"Just go talk to him. I think he misses you." I say cutting him off effectively. His eyes widen, terrified, but then nod curtly and walk into the hospital, pulling me after him.

"Wait out here okay?" He smiles at me, then turns and walks bravely into the room.

_**Haru**_

His eyes are red. He'd been crying. I crushed another person.

"Haru." He smiles warmly at me. "So Kyo told you did he?"

"Yeah." I whisper looking away. He grabs my hand and bows his head.

"I'm sorry, but I love him, and I couldn't stand seeing him like that. I think you know what I mean. And that was my fault. But he loves you. I never stood a chance." I could feel him begin to shake.

"Don't apologize. I would've done the same thing."

My anger melts away as I realize the truth behind my words.

"I know I don't have to say this, but please, please, take care of him." He stands and walks to the door, but turns to look at me when his hand is on the door knob. "You should know… he was faithful to you. He never did anything but kiss me."

I blinked and he was gone.

**00000000000000000000000000000000**

**Yay****! Or, boo! I hate having to choose between the characters and making them sad. But it must be done. And I'm sorry if you hate me!!!! cries Just think how I feel! It's my fault! sobs in a corner ****Don't**** hate me!!!!! On to chapter six!!**


	6. Embracing Forever

**What Was Missing**

_**Chapter Six: Embracing Forever**_

Last night I dreamt I had never met you. In my dream I did not love. I was beautiful, I had everything I wanted, and I never had to do anything. I smiled and I said the things I wanted say, I was powerful and wasted money on everything I had always wanted. In my dream there was no war, no starvation, no pain, no suffering, and everyone was safe and happy. But I was empty. I was hollow. Without you I could own the world, but I still would never want to sleep in a bed that you are not in...

_**Kyo**_

Momiji stepped forward, wrapping his tiny arms around me. I couldn't help folding him into me, even though I knew this wouldn't help what would happen later on.

He sniffed twice and looked up at me. "Kyo... I-well... I'll see you later..."

I nodded, recognizing the lie. "Where will you go?"

He smiled and rested his forehead against my chest.

"My Grandfather wants me to come back home."

"Germany? Nothing I say would make you stay, would it?" He smiled.

"Everything has been said. But I'll be back." He kissed my hands and walked away.

I watched him walk away. "Hey!" I shouted.

He turned and looked at me smiling faintly. "What?"

"Make sure you come back..." I said quietly, knowing he heard me in the empty silent hallway. He gave me one quick nod, turned a corner and was gone.

One more sin on me, one more broken heart, one more reason to hate myself. I swallowed the lump in my throat and walked back to join my heart.

_**Haru**_

He just stood there by the door, silently apologizing, staring at me and asking me to forgive him with his eyes. How long had I longed for those eyes to burn into me. That unique, beautiful, burning crimson. We locked eyes and I saw his pain, his anguish, and his ... love. I closed my eyes and smiled. This is what I wanted, all those months of torture suddenly seemed like a small price to pay for the passion I saw smoldering deep in those eyes. I must have started crying, because his hands were suddenly on me, brushing my tears away with hands so lovingly gentle, making me cry harder. Even the way he touched me showed his affection. I couldn't describe it if I had a thousand years.

And I knew where I belonged.

Beside him. For eternity. Leaving him was not an option anymore. Never again.

He placed a gentle kiss on my forehead and asked me if I was okay.

So I said it. "You are my only, my one and only love. Until the day I die."

**000000**

5 months later

"Somethings breaking up, I feel like giving up I won't walk out until you know Here I go, Scream my lungs out And try to get to you You are my only one. I let go Theres just no one that gets me like you do You are my only, my only one"

I throw a shoe at my crazy orange haired boyfriend. "No more Yellowcard CD's for you."

He smiles, sauntering over to me. "You bought it for me."

"Yes and now I'm having second thoughts." I roll my eyes as he whispers the lyrics into my ear. "I'm defiantly taking it back..."

He grins and pulls me into his arms, taking advantage of my surprise to capture my lips with his. "You are my only one... Oh! Wait right here!" He leaps from the couch and disappears into our room. I smile and lean back on the floor.

Its Christmas in every sense of the word. The case against Yuki was building up everyday, more evidence, more witnesses, more victims. It looked like he'd have to try and make a deal. Yuki was getting what he deserved, every single once. And life with Kyo? Even better than the first time around. We picked up from where we'd left off, like I had just left to buy milk instead of running off to face death. Momiji is the only piece thats missing. He writes every other week, but never says much about what's actually going on in his life. Every now and then I catch Kyo staring at one of Momiji's letters, his face full of his sorrow.

"Close your eyes." He whispers, suddenly next to me again. I close my eyes after rolling them dramatically again. I hear him shuffling paper around for a few seconds, he pulls on me until I begrudgingly sit up. "If it's a rat again, I'll kill you."

"Open your eyes..." He whispers again as a familiar song begins to play.

I open them. My heart stops. "Kyo..." I look into his eyes. He smiles and nods. I think I might cry.

"I will never let you fall. I'll stand up with you forever. I'll be there for you through it all. Even if saving you sends me to heaven, because you're my true love, my whole heart." He speaks the words as they spill from the radio, smiling as he knows it's having the desired effect. "Haru. We haven't been together very long I know. But we've been through so much, but after every fight, every hurtle and river we've had to cross or fight our way through, I know you're there at the end. Loving me, unconditionally. Haru, will you be mine for eternity?"

All I can do is nod stupidly and stare as he slips the ring onto my finger. An angel etched into a beautiful silver band. "Kyo..."

He grins at me and captures my mouth with his.

Eternity. That's no where near long enough.

**000000**

The End.

The songs are (lol) "Only One" by Yellowcard and "Your Guardian Angel" by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus. I'm really glad this story is finished. I couldn't leave it alone! Even when I wasn't working on it and I was working on other stuff I kept thinking about it! roar I like this ending, but I think I might wanna post the alternate ending as well... maybe.


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